gchqOkay I have some breaking news, just in case some people still weren’t aware:

Government cannot protect you from criminals, fraud or terrorists. Period.

I’m not saying that they make mistakes, or that some bad guys slip through the net, I’m saying that they cannot do ANYTHING to protect you, or the people you love. Nothing. Zilch. Nada.

The Government Communication Headquarters are:

…a part of the UK’s National Intelligence Machinery. GCHQ works in partnership with the Security Service (also known as MI5) and the Secret Intelligence Service (also known as MI6) to protect the UK’s national security interests.

The Agencies act within the law. All their operations are conducted within a framework of legislation that defines their roles and activities. In summary, their operations must relate to national security, the prevention or detection of serious crime, or the UK’s economic well-being.

If you hadn’t heard the breaking news you might be forgiven for thinking that such an organisation, with its unique and privileged powers and access to sensitive and private information, would be a well-oiled machine, staffed by only the smartest, most responsible minds in the land. Not so much:

GCHQ lost 35 laptops in one year, potentially containing highly sensitive data.

The UK’s electronic spy centre was today lambasted by MPs for having a “cavalier” attitude to data security. The centre is responsible for tracking the electronic communications of terrorists.

In a new report, the Commons Intelligence and Security Committee expressed concern that GCHQ appeared to be entirely unaware whether or not the computers, lost in 2008, contained top secret information on people posing an imminent security threat to the country.

The MPs said GCHQ’s “haphazard” monitoring system was the cause of its lack of awareness on what data was on the machines.

You can’t make this stuff up… One laptop would be embarrassing, 2 should be borderline unforgiveable, but 35?! THIRTY FIVE!!!???

Containing “top secret information”…

I expect that the government, seeing the GCHQ’s level of incompetence, to immediately dismantle the organisation and return all the savings to the taxpayer… wait what’s this:

GCHQ is now advertising for more recruits on the London underground, the committee noted.

I’ve checked their website, it’s true:

We’re always looking for new talent to join our workforce and have developed a specific recruitment website to provide you with all the information necessary so you can assess your suitability and determine if we’re right for you.

My favourite bit is “we’re always looking for new talent” as if they have some existing talent there already. Once again, the government fucks up, and they hire more people and get a bigger budget as a reward. To summarise, this retarded department exists only to:

  • Create pointless jobs for people who don’t feel like working for a living
  • Waste money and call it “intelligence gathering”
  • Violate your liberties under the guise of “fighting terrorism”

If I’m honest, before today I never even knew the GCHQ existed and, for all the good they do, they may as well not.